“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(After a meager lunch she said that last night she got a flash, like an “ear pop,” that she wasn’t going to die at this time. It was very brief but very clear. I’d known she had something to tell me after lunch, but hadn’t expected this. I had absolutely no reaction to the news at all — and at once remembered my total lack of reaction when our lawyer had told me that the insurance business was settled. I was evidently so numb from repeated doses of fear and concern and negativity and Jane’s worsening situation daily, that I couldn’t react. I didn’t believe or disbelieve it. I was afraid to hope, perhaps.

(Jane could still hurry things up when she wanted to — hence the early session because I was leaving later. I must be more negative than I thought after all this time, for I didn’t believe her when she said she wasn’t going to die now. For it certainly does seem that her life is almost over. When she says these days that she’s going to die, I agree with her.

Ruburt’s feeling is true: he is not ready to die yet — he will not die yet. There is a difference between feeling a certain way, and knowing the feeling is true — that is, it is true you feel, perhaps, that A is B, but you can be completely wrong in your interpretation. Because you feel that, say, A and B are one, this does not make them so.

(“But I do care,” Jane protested. “I care a lot. I’ve even thought of dying to let you go free.”

(I should add that I didn’t mean I wished she’d die so that I’d be free. I want her to live — with me, at home, working and singing. I thought of this in the dentist’s chair. I forgot to tell her when I got back at supper time, but will tomorrow. Jane called just as I was typing this session.)