“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Any push toward success became a threat to your virility; a push from a woman became to you a double threat to your virility. You felt as if she threatened to castrate you. Ruburt has been aware of this. This is one of the main reasons that he suffers from strong feelings of disloyalty whenever he allows himself to wish that you were more successful in your work, artistically or financially.

The overall self chose the background. Now. Ruburt has always been primarily driven by a desire to write successfully. His mother encouraged the writing. At the same time he felt guilty that he was free and the mother was not, and he blamed himself to some degree for her situation. The mother did blame the child in this respect.

The mother wanted success for the child, and yet Ruburt felt (pause) that success would also be resented by the mother, that the mother would be jealous of it. The mother wanted success for the daughter so that the daughter could share the fruits of the success and provide for her. While Ruburt had no money there was no fear of this.

Financial success was put off, you see. It was not to be denied but put off. (Pause.) He did not want to share it with his mother, for to Ruburt this meant having his mother live with him.

Now these feelings served to put success off. They were not strong enough to deny it entirely, and he was working through them, although this took considerable energy.

There is also much yet to be said concerning why you and Ruburt chose your particular parents and early environments. Being an artist and being successful were opposites for your inner self. You could not therefore have both. (Pause.)

I should make this more clear: being a fine artist and a success were opposites.

The psychic abilities appeared precisely when he needed an extra drive toward success, and a way toward success that would not be instantly recognized as such.

His own past fears of success were finally set aside with the acceptance of the ESP book. Not so much set aside as driven back. He saw instantly that you resented the publication of the book, as he had seen earlier that you resented the publication of The Rebellers. You resented that book very much.

You both became involved in the psychic work. He felt therefore that you would feel his success was yours also. He thought at that time that you were simply jealous of him. Your reaction to the ESP book quite literally terrified him. He then realized that you did not want either of you to be successful.

Some was, but when it became conscious he became panic-stricken. His drive toward success had been quickened by its taste, however. He wanted more. He felt hampered by you. At the same time he felt the need to contribute financially, and he felt that you were tying his hands by forcing him to make money in ways in which he was not particularly equipped to do so, while forbidding him to be a success with books.

Subjectively, when you were jealous (see the 350th Session) you were actively jealous of Ruburt for being successful, and wished to strike out in retaliation. When you feel envious now, you envy his success, but you are not jealous of him as a person.

(Here Seth clears up a point in Sunday’s pendulum session, in which the pendulum told me I was not jealous of Jane, but envious of her success. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t confused on the jealousy-envy terminology; I also wondered if there was actually any difference.)

It is the success you envy.

The father identification can be tackled. Vivid imagining of yourself as a success will automatically weaken it. It will also be weakened with the emotional understanding that you are an individual, identified with no other.

My heartiest wishes to you both, and my best wishes for your success.